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Thursday, April 10, 2014

In the end, it was all worth it

 This boy.

He was a hard one for me. His birth was wonderful and everything that I wanted, but in the weeks that followed were pure hell.

The postpartum was the worst that I have ever had.

Swim cried a lot. He only slept if I was holding him, or walking him, or I had to hold him until he fell asleep. He cried almost all the time. If I put him down and left the room he would cry until I came back and would hold him again. He would scream in his bed in the morning until I would come and get him.

Looking back I can understand the reasons, but while I was in the middle of it it was hard. Not long after he was born we moved from North Carolina to Utah. He was just 3 months and his world was rocked. We stayed with my parents once we got to Utah and we were in their house for about 3 months and then again his world was rocked as we moved into the house we are at now. He didn't trust anything, or anyone... I don't really blame him.

Since we have been more stable this boy has turned from a sad, crying child into the funnest little boy. He walks around with a smile on his face all day. He giggles all the time. He babbles to me all the time. If I happen to not be paying attention to him he will climb up and touch my face, or cling onto my legs until I bend down so he can say what he needs to say. Not in words yet... all babbling it's really cute.

And bed time is a breeze now. I can give him his blanket, and sing a song to him {he likes "Teach Me to Walk in the Light"} and put him down to sleep. And not only that... but he wakes up so happy.

I love this little guy so much. I feel so bad that the first year or so was so hard for him. I did the best that I knew how, I wish I could have comforted him more, but I would go through all the crying and sleepless nights, and even the postpartum that I had to have the boy I have now.

He is such a joy to me, and makes me so happy.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

To the Park

It has been awhile since we have been in an actual winter. I had forgotten how long the cold days last.... and how random they come.

We'll have a couple days that are cold, and even a little snowy.... and then the very next day it will be in the 70's.  That is what spring is like here in Utah.... until summer.

The boys had a day off, and I had some errands to run. 
The boys were great while we were in and out of the car for about 2 hours, so at the last stop I piked up some cookies and we headed to the park to play.
I think the boys really enjoyed getting out of the house and to run a bit.
We love going to parks, and finding new places to play. The only down side to this park on this day was the locked bathrooms. I had two that needed to go.... and while the little one could get away with peeing near the car.... the bigger one couldn't. So we had to leave. But this park is only about a mile from our house so easily within walking distance.
It was a great day to be at the park, the next day was back to school and routine.... and jackets because it was overcast with a "chance of snow in the afternoon"

Monday, March 31, 2014

50 Things for her to know

I was able to watch Women’s Conference this year with my sister Erika. This year all the women and girls ages 8 and up were invited to go. It was neat to see all the mom’s with their daughters sitting together, and singing together.

I am getting more and more excited to have this little girl and to share nights like this with her.

I was also thinking about all the things that I want her to know…. All the things that I need to teach her, and things that I would like her to learn.

1 You are a daughter of God
2 Your worth is not dependent on what others think of you
3 Learn how to cook, and experiment in the kitchen
4 Ask for help when you need it
5 Learn to put on make-up that brings out your beauty
6 Never apologies for who you are
7 Get an education
8 Study what you love and what you are passionate about
9 Fight like hell for what you believe in
10 Never let a boy come between you and your brothers
11 Live with purpose
12 Learn how to mow a yard
13 and change a tire
14 and the oil in your car
15 Best friends may come and go, that’s ok
16 Always keep the secrets that are told to you even if you are not friends anymore
17 –unless it is something dangerous, then tell someone
18 Dance in the rain
19 Exercise your body, keep it healthy and fit
20 Have an opinion, you can always change it- but have one
21 Try different foods
22 Learn to use a gun
23 Plan your life around you and not the man you might marry
24 Go ice skating
25 Learn to take a compliment
26 Some things are with you forever…. Think long and hard if you really want that tattoo
27 Live on your own, even for a short time
28 Help others that are in need
29 Don’t read romance novels
30 I will always be here for you…. even if it to get you from the party that you weren’t suppose to go to
31 Be kind to people
32 Always find a bra that fits
33 A boyfriend doesn’t define who you are
34 Keep your head up
35 A beautiful soul needs a strong body
36 Drink water every day
37 Feel what you are feeling, don’t hide from it
38 Well fitting and modest is always better than to small and to tight
39 What others say is right, is not always right
40 Put $20 in your winter coat… it will be a great surprise next season
41 People will let you down
42 You will make mistakes as you grow
43 I will make mistakes too
44 We will both learn from them
45 Don’t ever fight for acceptance
46 There is a limit on “self-ies”
47 Sex will not fix or hold together a relationship
48 It’s ok to fail… you will learn from it
49 You are loved!
50 You are wanted!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Where he was the day that you were born

Tommy turned 9 this past week.  9 years old! In the middle of chaos it seems to drag on and on, but looking back the time has gone so fast. He was so little... and butter ball-y. He was bald for a good year, and he had the bluest eyes.

Tommy is my March baby. He was also a huge surprise. Steve and I were not trying to get pregnant... in fact it was far from our minds. He was in Military training in Arizona and James was only 6 months old. After Steve was done training we headed back to Utah to figure out what to do... and 3 days later Steve was notified that he would be going overseas to Iraq.

I was 6 months pregnant when Steve left.

It was an easy pregnancy for the most part. I think part of that was because I was only 24. James had just turned a year old, and I was managing well.

I decided to be induced.

With Steve away, me being induced made it easy for him to be involved. He took the day off and sat by the phone.

The morning I was to go to the hospital I was feeling really good, but a little nervous. I dropped James off at my sister's house and my mom took me to the hospital.

I got to my room and got hooked up to everything. I honestly didn't want to be induced. I was with James and it was horrible, but I didn't want to chance Steve missing anything.

After the pictocin  was on I asked for an epidural and just rested.

My mom was there, and my dad came too. It was nice to have the company. And then... we waited. And waited.

I talked to Steve off and on through out the morning, and the nurses that answered the phones got to know him really well too.

About 2:00 I started to feel really uncomfortable and had the urge to push. I told the nurse and she checked me.... He was coming.

The room turned busy with everyone getting things ready, my doctor was called and people were in place.

It was a pretty painless labor and delivery {thanks to the epidural} and in a few pushes, he was here.

My little Tommy was born. He was 8 pounds 8 ounces, and 21 inches long. The doctor put him on my chest and I got to look into some pretty blue eyes. Tommy was quiet, very alert but quiet. Then one of the nurses held the phone up to my ear.... it was Steve. I told him that we had another healthy baby boy... and then Tommy started crying. And so did Steve. He had called just in time to hear Tommy's first cry.

The nurse took him to be weighed and measured. They brought him back to me and I fell in love all over again.

My mom and dad had a turn holding him while I got cleaned up and my dad noticed something.... that my little Tommy had the same turned down ear that he has. It was actually really funny because my Tommy is named after my dad, and to think that this was something that they had in common was neat.

The first couple days in the hospital with Tommy was hard. He stopped breathing for a little while and turned blue... I called the nurse but by the time she got there he was fine. He was a good nurser and loved sleeping balled up on my chest. {and even at 9 he still sleeps in a ball}

Soon after he was born Steve sent me a song that was written by a couple National Gaurds Men that were in Iraq as well. He said that this song explains how he felt the day that Tommy was born.

The Day that you Were Born
by J.R. Shultz

It's 3am and I'm wide awake, 
They say I'm going to be a daddy today, 
but I can't be there, 
And my heart is torn. 
A million thoughts running through my head, 
Wonder if I'll be a good dad, 
You know I ain't never done this before.

I heard you cry, and I couldn't help to shed a few myself, 
But I'm smiling through the tears, 
The world stood still as I held the phone, 
And suddenly I wasn't alone, 
And all those miles seem to disappear.

And I'm 7,000 miles away, 
And all I can do is pray,
To God that every things going to be alright, 
All alone I'm walking the floor, 
Surrounded by this war, 
That's where I was the day that you were born.

Now I don't mean to come off like I'm, 
Feeling sorry for myself, 
But some times it don't seem fair, 
Daddy's running off left and right, 
And I'm stuck here tonight, 
When all I want, Is to be there.

And I'm 7,000 miles away, 
And all I can do is pray, 
to God that every things going to be alright, 
All alone I'm walking the floor, 
Surrounded by this war, 
That's where I was the day that you were born.

When I finally close my eyes at night, 
Drifted off into a dream, 
It was as real as a dream could be, 
I picked you up and held you close, 
Then suddenly I wake up to reality.

And I'm 7,000 miles away, 
and all I can do is pray, 
To God that every things going to be alright, 
All alone I'm walking the floor, 
Surrounded by this war, 
That's were I was the day that you were born.... 
You've been my son since the day that you were born.

It was hard not having Steve there to hold my hand. And every time that we have had anther baby I count my blessings that Steve is there with me, by my side. I know when Tommy was born Steve wanted to be there. I know that he was doing the best he could by waiting by the phone. 

Tommy has grown now and the military is behind us. 9 years have come and gone. This boy who cam into the world on a beautiful spring day has been a joy to my life. He is smart and funny and loves to still sit close to me all curled up in a ball. 

I love you Tommy!

Sunday, March 16, 2014

The first time I met her

About 5 weeks after I had Swim was when I first met her.

While I was pregnant with Swim I knew we were to have one more. It was an odd feeling, because normally I just have "that" feeling after we have one, knowing that at some point we need to have another. After Tim it was a long time before I had that feeling. After Benji it was just over a year.

But she was different. I knew long before Swim was with us that we were to have one more after him.

I was washing dishes one afternoon. The house was mostly quiet with just a low TV noise in the background. James was at the table eating something.

I was washing dishes and watching the winter birds in the backyard. And I hear "Mama, mama." I turn and look around. No one else was there except James.... he doesn't call me Mama.

I went back to washing dishes, and again I heard "Mama, mama" this time when I turned to looked I asked James if he needed anything. He said no. I asked him if he called me.... he said no.

James got up from the table and walked out of the room, and I heard the voice one more time. "Mama"

I knew who it was. It was the last little one that was to come to our family. It was as if she was just reminding me not to forget her. I had no idea that it was a little girl, just a little one that needed to make the needs of coming to our family known.

I remember saying in a voice out loud, "I know you are there, you won't be forgotten, but you have to wait a little longer"

I know this little girl has been waiting her turn for a while now. She didn't want to be left out of our family.

Even now I feel her impatiences as she moves and squirms. It's as if she is letting me know that she is running out of room. She moves and wiggles when the boys are loud as if she is wanting to play a long.

Little girl I know you are there, and I will meet you soon.

Monday, February 17, 2014

The crazy that is here.

I often let the boys take pictures with my camera.

They have learned t be careful with it and to take care.... mostly.

And the pictures I get back are usually really funny.

 Tommy and his Pokemon binder.
 Tim..... This boy has great hair!
 Benji and his crazy hair. It is really sad to me that after we had to cut it because of the razor and scissor incident that his curls are gone. He's got a great wave in it but no curl.
I have no words.
Really.... no words.

I love these crazy kids that I have been blessed with.

Friday, February 14, 2014

My preciouse little girl

We found out Christmas day that we are welcoming a little girl to our mix of blue. I am so excited!

It will be different but I am looking forward to it.

This will be our last baby and I feel so blessed to end it with a little girl.

She already is s sweet. Benji will talk to her and she will kick at the sound of his voice.

When Swim is crying or on my lap she lays still and lets Swim and I move until he is comfortable. Even if it seems to be an awkward position. As soon as he is out of my arms she will kick and stretch out again.

When ever I sit and think I haven't felt her move in a while.... just being busy with others.... sometimes I'll start to worry.... I don't have to worry for long because she lets me know she is still here.

We don't have a name yet.... we are thinking traditional, not necessarily a Bible name like all of the boys, but some from the Bible are on the list. One thing we do know is that we want a girl name. When you read it, or say it, or see it any where we don't want anyone to wonder if its a girl or a boy on the other end.

It's finally starting to sink in that we are having a girl.... but it won't be real until I have her in my arms.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

It's gone

In our house when boys turn one they get a hair cut.

His hair was long!! {and it was matted and starting to be more like a rat's nest in the back so it needed to come off}
 It really was a lot!
And now they match!!

For the first few days Swim would sit and rub his head with his hands, or rub his head on the ground. It was funny watching him figure out this new feel of his.

It's a good thing that the boys have good shaped heads!

Sunday, February 9, 2014


Where has the time gone??? I know I say that every time we have a birthday but really.... where does it go?

I can't believe that Swim is one. This time last year I was cuddling a little newborn, and now I am chasing a baby... pretty much toddler around the house.

He has become proficient at the stairs, so we took the gate off.

He has become a master finder of all things that the big boys can't find {and things he shouldn't have} pencils, marker lids, pennies.

He loves peanut butter and jelly, and scrambled eggs.

He is a great sleeper.... once he is asleep. {we are working on him getting to sleep in a timely manner}

He is a mama's boy, and while he will charm anyone, he loves to do it in my arms.

He loves to play with Benji, and doesn't mind when Benji plays with him... even with how ruff his brother is.

He is our light weight. While the other boys were pushing 30 pounds... or already over that, he is only about 25-26 pounds. Big for some... not for this family. Clothes actually fit him!

This little boys is so different from the others. I have had to learn to parent a different way with him. Things that worked with all the other boys have been completely thrown out the window. He has helped my patients grow, he has made me slow down what I am doing and really focus on the task at hand.

He is a joy to our family and I love that I get to be his mom!!

Happy Birthday little one!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

My Benji

After Tim was born early and the scare that came with him we thought "for sure we are done having kids" I really had no intentions of having any more. I was happy with my three, and life was good.

Then Steve had the feeling that we should have another. After talking about it and a lot of prayer we decided to add to our family. After getting pregnant so easily with Tommy and Tim it was odd that it took us awhile to get pregnant with again. We trusted in the Lord and knew that it was right and that our baby would come when it was time.

We were blessed with another boy. He is named Benji after his uncle who died in a helicopter crash in 2007.

I know that each child comes with his or her own gifts and talents. Some take time to realize what they are and other gifts are shown right away. This is the case with Benji.

After Steve's brother died there was a lot of hurt and sadness among his family. We knew that if we were to have a boy that he would be named after the man that died.

The gift that our Benji has been blessed with is the gift of healing. Even as an infant he was able to heal people of the pain that they were feeling. He has healed people of doubt. 

I have seen it.

First it was among the family.

I watched members of Steve's family hold him when he was just an infant and cry for the man that passed, and it was like their burdens and sadness were lifted away as they snuggled this baby.

Benji has a way of connecting with people and helping them feel better. He has an individual relationship with everyone he meets.

Even at 3 he can see people and really see what they are feeling

To those who are sad or morning he will morn with them. He will quietly sit by a person and just be there.

When I was sick with this pregnancy and would lay on the couch he would cover me with his blanket, kiss my cheek, and rub my head. Then he would get a book and sit next to me and just look at it. He was taking care of me.

When people are happy he is happy with them. If someone looks sad he knows what to say or how to touch someone to help them feel better.

All of this done with a child like innocence.

I know the Lord has a plan for all of his children if they choose to follow him. But I also know that Benji is special. There is something special that awaits him.

He will lift and heal many. 

Monday, January 6, 2014

Happy Birthday.... to you!!

Happy Birthday to the awesomest man I know!!!

This guy right here is 36 years old!!

He's pretty cool and I kinda like him.

Thanks for all the adventures we've been on. Thanks for being my rock. Thank you for holding me up as I felt like I was crumbling. Thank you  for believing in me. Thank you for being a wonderful father to our kids. Thank you for learning and adapting to our family needs. Thank you for honoring your Priesthood and blessing us with it. Thank you for working hard for us.

I love you  forever and am happy every day that I get to spend eternity with you. Happy Birthday!!!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

A year in review

We had pictures.... and the disk in the camera crapped out.

I had intentions of Christmas cards... but never got around to it.

We had a busy year and I wanted to tell all about everything and then time just got the better of me.

Thank heavens for a blog... and facebook... and email.... now I can get you all caught up at once.

Our family's 2013 top 10!!

1- Swim was born!!! January gave us the best gift and our 5th little boy was born.

2- We moved cross country from North Carolina to Utah. It was quick and unexpected but we made it all in one piece and a moving truck and trailer.

3- Steve opened his own practice, and while it has been slow starting, it's starting to pick up.

4- The 3 older boys went to school this year. It was a weird transition, but they are doing well and excelling at most things.

5- I have had to redefine myself from a homeschooling mom to a mom that sends kids to school. It has been weird for me to and have found myself board on some days, but I am ejoying the time with Swim and Benji.

6- Having the boys in school was actually a really good thing at the beginning of the school year as I found out that we are expecting again. It was nice to send them out the door before I started feeling sick for the day.

7- We still have Captain. He's going deaf... or has very selective hearing.

8- We all have enjoyed being back in Utah but as winter set in we soon realized that we were not prepared for snow or cold. You actually need shoes and socks here!

9-Swim started walking at 9 months. Benji is potty trained. Tim was able to take some golf lessons. Tommy has found a love for Minecraft. And James turned 10!!!

10- We found out it's a GIRL!!!

Here's to a productive, healthy, safe and happy New Year.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

And the last Child is.....

A GIRL!!!!!

I didn't think I would ever have a girl!!

I was convinced that this little one was a boy.

I was sure we would end our babies with a last round of blue and was happy for that.

But low and behold.... it is a little girl!!

I really can't believe it. And I think it will be hard to be really sure until I have her in my arms.

April can't come soon enough but I know that if think about it long enough it will be here in no time.

A GIRL!!!! can you believe it!!??

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