The first time I met her

About 5 weeks after I had Swim was when I first met her.

While I was pregnant with Swim I knew we were to have one more. It was an odd feeling, because normally I just have "that" feeling after we have one, knowing that at some point we need to have another. After Tim it was a long time before I had that feeling. After Benji it was just over a year.

But she was different. I knew long before Swim was with us that we were to have one more after him.

I was washing dishes one afternoon. The house was mostly quiet with just a low TV noise in the background. James was at the table eating something.

I was washing dishes and watching the winter birds in the backyard. And I hear "Mama, mama." I turn and look around. No one else was there except James.... he doesn't call me Mama.

I went back to washing dishes, and again I heard "Mama, mama" this time when I turned to looked I asked James if he needed anything. He said no. I asked him if he called me.... he said no.

James got up from the table and walked out of the room, and I heard the voice one more time. "Mama"

I knew who it was. It was the last little one that was to come to our family. It was as if she was just reminding me not to forget her. I had no idea that it was a little girl, just a little one that needed to make the needs of coming to our family known.

I remember saying in a voice out loud, "I know you are there, you won't be forgotten, but you have to wait a little longer"

I know this little girl has been waiting her turn for a while now. She didn't want to be left out of our family.

Even now I feel her impatiences as she moves and squirms. It's as if she is letting me know that she is running out of room. She moves and wiggles when the boys are loud as if she is wanting to play a long.

Little girl I know you are there, and I will meet you soon.